Doug Fields at D6
Doug Fields was answering the question, "How can I do it all?" I was looking forward to hearing Doug as I had heard him at Youth Specialties about 10 years ago. He also wrote one of my favorite books in youth ministry, Purpose Driven Youth Ministry. The anticipation was worth it as Doug Fields hit a home run with his talk on balancing family and ministry.
His talk was titled, Focus on your own d____ family (I have not censored him. This is how it was on the screen.)
He started by saying the leadership is primarily example. See 1 Timothy 4:12, 1 Corinthians 11, and 1 Thessalonians 2:7. He explained that in the Bible the image of a spiritual leader is not a CEO or manager but instead of a good father or mother. Someone worthy of imitation.
What happens when church or family collide? He said that most often we choose the path of least resistance which means we sacrifice our family for ministry. He reminded us that: Ministry Never Stops! He posed the question: Are we more committed to ministry than to our own family? He went on to challenge us that theory doesn't change people, but imitation does. So, even if we have great theory and practice in ministry, if our marriage and parenting is not worth imitating then our theory will not work for long.
He then gave us 3 actions to focus on our own family.
His talk was titled, Focus on your own d____ family (I have not censored him. This is how it was on the screen.)
He started by saying the leadership is primarily example. See 1 Timothy 4:12, 1 Corinthians 11, and 1 Thessalonians 2:7. He explained that in the Bible the image of a spiritual leader is not a CEO or manager but instead of a good father or mother. Someone worthy of imitation.
What happens when church or family collide? He said that most often we choose the path of least resistance which means we sacrifice our family for ministry. He reminded us that: Ministry Never Stops! He posed the question: Are we more committed to ministry than to our own family? He went on to challenge us that theory doesn't change people, but imitation does. So, even if we have great theory and practice in ministry, if our marriage and parenting is not worth imitating then our theory will not work for long.
He then gave us 3 actions to focus on our own family.
- Change the Channel (this focuses on the unrealistic expectation of the church). How do we do this? Redefine expectations. It's easy to say no to bad things. It's harder to say no to good things in ministry and church. Listen to this convicting quote: Every "yes" at church is a "no" at home.
- Unplug from church. We need to have time at home when church is "off". We need to be willing to not respond to the phone call or email when at home if not urgent. Our wife and kids need to see home as a safe place where we give them our undivided attention. He made it a practice to not talk on the phone when his kids were in the car. He said that was a great time to talk with his kids and did not want to miss those opportunities. Another challenging quote from Fields: Others can take my place at church, but they cannot at home.
- Serve ice cream. We need to put as much effort into making our home attractive as we do in our ministries. We should ask: what am I doing to make home fun? Our kids should grow up excited that their dad works at church. We must take the lead.
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