Kansas Family Strengthening Summit-Day 2
Be sure to read about Day 1 to better understand the context for this post. On Day 2 of Kansas Family Strengthening Summit, we picked 3 workshops to attend throughout the day.
The first workshop I attended was led by Lief Noll of PREP on the topic of fatherhood. He shared about some great work being done in the state of Ohio in the area of fatherhood. We started by talking about assumptions we and others have about fathers. We then transitioned into what were the ideals of fatherhood. Most of the workshop was breaking into 4 groups to discuss specific areas related to fatherhood.
The first group was to brainstorm the ideal fatherhood program. They came up with resources that are appealing, using the same curriculum, and adequate funding. Three areas guided their work: loving, coaching, mentoring. Under loving, they would provide activities and events. Coaching would focus on skills and responsibility. Mentoring would provide 24/7 support for the fathers.
The second group discussed creating a fatherhood providers' network. It discussed the importance of having all walks of life (SRS, school, church, community, etc.) involved. This group would then develop a core leadership team that could organize around the same set of ideas. The network would provide a clearinghouse and referral network as well as technical assistance. It would be necessary for the network to establish buy-in and be an example or model of collaboration. It would provide a balance of prevention and intervention.
The third group referred us to great resources at www.fatherhood.org. This site includes a father friendly check up. They examined existing policies that were father friendly and those that were not.
The last group focused on collaborative partnerships. These partnerships would work on parent/child classes together. They would also provide support to navigate the legal system. Another key part of collaboration was a neutral space and a partnership with school districts and rec. programs. The coalition would need to meet regularly to stay on the same page.
The second workshop was titled, "Working with Ambivalent Couples on the Brink of Divorce" and was led by Bill Doherty. Obviously the main focus was on the therapist. Doherty shared about research that he conducted at the urging of a family court judge. He created a survey that was given to 2,500 divorcing parents in Minnesota and found that 30% believed their marriage could be saved and had interest in reconciliation. He shared that couples were reached earlier in the divorce process, that as many as 50% might be open to reconciliation.
Based on this research, he created discernment counseling. It is not marital therapy focused on improving the relationship, but instead focused on discernment. It focused on three narratives: the divorce narrative (what has gone wrong), the repair narrative (how they have tried to fix things), and a possible reconciliation narrative (what path might lead to restoring health to the relationship). The discernment counselor meets with couple together then with each separately. At the end of discernment counseling, the couple can decide what to do: seek counseling for their marriage or continue with divorce proceeding.
During lunch, we had food catered by Carlos O'Kelleys. It was great! It is my favorite Mexican restaurant and it was a special treat.
After lunch, I attended a seminar entitled, "Teaching Students to Take Responsibility" by Larry Thompson. For those not from Hesston, Larry Thompson is the principal at Hesston High School. He shared about the effective school discipline that Hesston schools use and that he shares with other schools. I walked away being even more thankful for the school district that my children attend. This workshop began with my mind starting to brainstorm how to equip our church workers to use this discipline strategy as well as what it might look like to have a parenting class to train parents to use this in their homes. Thompson shared the big picture of the discipline. He talked about Give 'em Five, Good Tolerances (skilled with 1,2,3). This last one means that all teachers understand when someone is a 1 (knows wrong), 2 (starts to push), or 3 (will not work w/ adult). He shared about the responsibility of each person in the triangle: teacher, principal, and student. He asked the question: what is the difference between responsibility and obedience? This was a great picture into what is working well in Hesston, KS as well as other schools around the state and country.
The first workshop I attended was led by Lief Noll of PREP on the topic of fatherhood. He shared about some great work being done in the state of Ohio in the area of fatherhood. We started by talking about assumptions we and others have about fathers. We then transitioned into what were the ideals of fatherhood. Most of the workshop was breaking into 4 groups to discuss specific areas related to fatherhood.
The first group was to brainstorm the ideal fatherhood program. They came up with resources that are appealing, using the same curriculum, and adequate funding. Three areas guided their work: loving, coaching, mentoring. Under loving, they would provide activities and events. Coaching would focus on skills and responsibility. Mentoring would provide 24/7 support for the fathers.
The second group discussed creating a fatherhood providers' network. It discussed the importance of having all walks of life (SRS, school, church, community, etc.) involved. This group would then develop a core leadership team that could organize around the same set of ideas. The network would provide a clearinghouse and referral network as well as technical assistance. It would be necessary for the network to establish buy-in and be an example or model of collaboration. It would provide a balance of prevention and intervention.
The third group referred us to great resources at www.fatherhood.org. This site includes a father friendly check up. They examined existing policies that were father friendly and those that were not.
The last group focused on collaborative partnerships. These partnerships would work on parent/child classes together. They would also provide support to navigate the legal system. Another key part of collaboration was a neutral space and a partnership with school districts and rec. programs. The coalition would need to meet regularly to stay on the same page.
The second workshop was titled, "Working with Ambivalent Couples on the Brink of Divorce" and was led by Bill Doherty. Obviously the main focus was on the therapist. Doherty shared about research that he conducted at the urging of a family court judge. He created a survey that was given to 2,500 divorcing parents in Minnesota and found that 30% believed their marriage could be saved and had interest in reconciliation. He shared that couples were reached earlier in the divorce process, that as many as 50% might be open to reconciliation.
Based on this research, he created discernment counseling. It is not marital therapy focused on improving the relationship, but instead focused on discernment. It focused on three narratives: the divorce narrative (what has gone wrong), the repair narrative (how they have tried to fix things), and a possible reconciliation narrative (what path might lead to restoring health to the relationship). The discernment counselor meets with couple together then with each separately. At the end of discernment counseling, the couple can decide what to do: seek counseling for their marriage or continue with divorce proceeding.
During lunch, we had food catered by Carlos O'Kelleys. It was great! It is my favorite Mexican restaurant and it was a special treat.
After lunch, I attended a seminar entitled, "Teaching Students to Take Responsibility" by Larry Thompson. For those not from Hesston, Larry Thompson is the principal at Hesston High School. He shared about the effective school discipline that Hesston schools use and that he shares with other schools. I walked away being even more thankful for the school district that my children attend. This workshop began with my mind starting to brainstorm how to equip our church workers to use this discipline strategy as well as what it might look like to have a parenting class to train parents to use this in their homes. Thompson shared the big picture of the discipline. He talked about Give 'em Five, Good Tolerances (skilled with 1,2,3). This last one means that all teachers understand when someone is a 1 (knows wrong), 2 (starts to push), or 3 (will not work w/ adult). He shared about the responsibility of each person in the triangle: teacher, principal, and student. He asked the question: what is the difference between responsibility and obedience? This was a great picture into what is working well in Hesston, KS as well as other schools around the state and country.
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