Give Them Grace

I just finished reading the book Give Them Grace by Fitzpatrick & Thompson.  It will be a challenging read for parents because it goes against much of the parenting advice you get from the world and even within Christian circles.  Their premise is that our children don't need more rules, but more grace.  Before you quit reading, they do not advocate for anarchy in the home.  But rather want parents to think through what their discipline and parenting is speaking to their children.  Do our kids think if they try harder they can be good kids?  Or do we point them to the message of what Jesus has done and how they need him rather than trying harder?

As I read the book, I was stretched and realized how recent conversations with my kids had actually focused more on the law than on grace.  They write, "Grace trains us to rest in what Christ has done for us and to live lives of godly gratitude."  In other words, once we realize what Jesus has done, we will be compelled to follow Him in what He said and did.  They continue by saying, "Remind your children who they are, of your love and welcome. Then remind them of God's gracious offer of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Then command their obedience."

The end of the book was harder to read because they don't give you a list of do's and don'ts.  They also don't tell you your kids will be good "by Friday".  Shaping our children is just as much about God shaping us as it is about us shaping them.  In relation to how we interact with the world, they write, "We don't want to be known as the strange family that hates everything the neighborhood likes. We want to be known as the strange family that overflows with love, service, and joy."  Another great reminder about the "guilt trips" we give our kids is this quote, "Guilt never motivates us to do anything wildly loving."

I struggled with a section in Chapter 9 about how God uses trials in our lives.  Theologically, I think I disagree with the authors about God's use of testing in our lives and the discussion of the "thorn in the flesh."  They write, "God always employs Satan to God's end, to serve God's people." I believe in Satan and trials, but not sure I can agree with the above statement. 

All in all, it is a good book to remind us about our role as parents.  I would encourage you to pick it up.  Just like any book I read, I don't agree with everything, but think the majority will help you teach your children about God's story and how this story should impact all we do.